Mentioned in Despatched

Mentioned in Despatched

Clarence Simonsen is sharing this February 1943 issue of Mentioned in Despatched.

 

Painting by Clarence Simonsen

 

Transcription (all transcriptions will be added later).

HOW TO PROLONG A WAR

In one month, not so long ago, over 500 aircraft were involved in accidents. As a result, these aircraft were put out of action for periods ranging from half a day to eternity. This means that, in one month, over 500 aircraft – DOUBLE THE COMPLETE PRE-WAR STRENGTH OF THE RCAF – were rendered useless to us for the work in hand. Meanwhile, the war goes on just that much more slowly.

THE SADDEST PART OF THIS SHOCKING STATE OF AFFAIRS IS THAT 70 PER GENT OF THE ACCIDENTS DID NOT-HAVE TO HAPPEN.

This 70 per cent resulted from :
1. DISOBEDIENCE
2. CARELESSNESS
3. PILOT ERROR

You know the type of accident we mean …

INSTRUCTOR forgets to lower undercarriage and fails to see airmen flashing red lights.

A “C” crash.

INSTRUCTOR carries out unauthorized low flying. Aircraft stalls in steep turn close to the ground.

Aircraft and instructor lost.

INSTRUCTOR taxying too fast, runs off end of runway, hits rough ground, wipes out undercarriage.

INSTRUCTOR taxies into gasoline tender.

INSTRUCTOR fails to hold control column back while running up engine. Machine goes up on nose.

INSTRUCTOR fails to notice parked aircraft and whacks into its propellor while demonstrating gliding approach.

Not one of those accidents had to happen. Yet there, are hundreds like them,and this dismal story seems to drag on ad infinitum. Leadership must come from your instructors. Then, and only then, can you reasonably hope for the pupils you dream about.

 

Painting by Clarence Simonsen

 

Transcription

They say this chap’s face is still red,

He and two stupils were up instrumenting. The laddie under the hood couldn’t keep the Crane straight. It kept swinging to the left.

Our instructor (#11 SFTS) took control, and found that not only did it want to go to the left, but that it’s nose was heavy. Also, as he expressed it, he “felt a surging.”

So he cried “Jump, jump,”‘ in duly-prescribed fashion.

And out they all went.

The Cessna – well, believe it or not, the Cessna made “an almost normal landing.”

All by itself, too.

Investigators said the controls operated normally, though perhaps they were a bit stiff.

Command commented: “All symptoms described are those which occur when the door of a Crane is inadvertently left open … It is believed this may have been the cause of the strange behavior of the aircraft.”

Court of inquiry said: “The crash was due to an excited pilot ….”

An excited pilot – with over 500 hours!!!

Yes, McGurk takes great pleasure in awarding this month’s BOOT for the above performance.

 

Painting by Clarence Simonsen

Transcription

TAIL – HE LOST!

We don’t like to think that instructors and pupils are flipping coins to see who’ll look out for other aircraft while in the air.

But they certainly seem to be doing something of the sort.

It has been found necessary at one school (No. 1 SFTS) to suggest that “STUDENTS AND INSTRUCTORS ARE TO WARN EACH OTHER OF AIRCRAFT IN THE VICINITY.”

This suggestion followed an accident which occurred after the the toss (presumably) resulted in a tie. Anyway, no one was looking. Two Harvards, each containing an instructor and a pupil, were flying very close to each other..

“THE INSTRUCTOR,” says the report, “DIDN’T SEE THE OTHER MACHINE, AND HE ALLOWED THE STUDENT TO TURN TO THE RIGHT WITHOUT LOOKING. THEY STRUCK THE TAIL OF THE OTHER AIRCRAFT.”

One plane dropped.

One flew back.

Luckily, nobody was hurt.

Painting by Clarence Simonsen

 

Transcription

If you don’t want to live – O.K.

But PLEASE remember the aircraft!

!LOOK AROUND !

THIS IS NO BULL

If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. Look at this –

A navigation instructor was “stooging along,” stressing the differences between a river and a main highway, when one engine stopped.

Unable to maintain height on the other, he promptly whipped into the correct forced-landing procedure, and was all set to put her down when – a bunch of cattle stampeded in front of him.

Instead of coming to a graceful rest on the greensward, the aircraft achieved a gloomy end in a coulee.

A complete wreck.

They say the pilot no longer eats beef.

 

Painting by Clarence Simonsen

Transcription

TWO-FIFTY OR BUST

Read these, fellows …

“MY STUDENT’S JUDGEMENT WAS RATHER POOR,” said the instructor (No. 15 SFTS), “SO I CAME LOWER TO POINT OUT HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS TO MAINTAIN A CONSTANT HEIGHT WHILE LOW FLYING.”

Because of the instructor’s error in Judgement, “THE AIRCRAFT STRUCK A RISE IN THE GROUND, SHATTERING BOTH PROPELLORS AND NECESSITATING A FORCED LANDING.”

Again:

Our second instructor (No. 8 SFTS) was also giving a masterly demonstration of low-flying. Apparently he’d never heard of 250 feet either that, or he thought it sissy stuff.

But anyway

“HE TOUCHED BOTH PROPELLORS ON THE FROZEN SURFACE OF A SMALL LAKE, BREAKING THE TIPS OFF THEM. THEN, IN PULLING UP, HE HIT THE RUDDER TWICE, TEARING IT LOOSE FROM THE RUDDER POST… PIECES OF PROP NOPE HOLES IN THE NOSE AND FUSELAGE.”

Yes, his logbook was endorsed,

And yet again:

The sergeant (No. 32 SFTS) was showing the eager student how to low fly in perfect safety while navigating, map-reading, pin pointing, etc. at the same time…

 

“HE HAD JUST TAKEN OVER CONTROL SO THAT THE STUDENT COULD CHECK THE FUEL GAUGE. HE MISJUDGED HIS HEIGHT AND COLLIDED WITH THE TOP OF A HILL.”

 

When you get that low, you might, as well. take a train.

 

 

 

 

More crashes found on the Internet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Clarence Simonsen’s painting

 

July 1943 issue of Mentioned in Despatched found on the Internet .

 

HIGH, WIDE AND LIVE SOME

You may not know this, chaps, but people have been shot down right in their own circuit.

Yes, when only a few moments away from a quick snort and a good meal they and their aircraft have been turned into a heap of rubbish by an enemy sharpshooter.

There was only one reason –

OUR LADS FAILED TO KEEP THEIR EYES OPEN –

THEY DIDN’T KEEP LOOKING AROUND.

Fighter pilots who have lived to fight another day will tell you that when in the combat area, and even at home,

90 PER CENT OF YOUR TIME SHOULD BE DEVOTED TO LOOKING AROUND, THE OTHER 10 TO FLYING AND FIGHTING.

That is, if you want to live.

That “looking around” habit is one you MUST develop now.

There are no enemy planes, but there are plenty of pilots around who seem to think their eyes are for ogling girls only, certainly not for watching out for other aircraft.

Despite the fact there’s enough sky to give each aircraft a few million cubic feet, there were about 50 mid-air collisions during the last six months.

FIFTEEN WERE FATAL.

In four days four collisions took 12 lives.

Somebody didn’t look around.

From his first flight, a student should be taught to keep his head swinging as though on a pivot. Slap hangar duty at him if he doesn’t.

And you staff pilots and instructors don’t you be afraid of straining your necks either.

It’s good insurance.

 

 

 

MORE SOCIAL NOTES OR WHAT OUR PILOTS ARE STILL DOING

THIS ONE (No. 1 OTU) was flying in formation when his engine, with a disheartening cough, quit. Our pilot and his Hurricane wound up most ungracefully amid the rocks and shrubbery. A quick cockpit check (on the ground) showed his reserve tank empty– his main tanks FULL.

YES, HE FORGOT.

THIS ONE (No. 32 SETS) couldn’t make his starboard undercarriage light turn green. He took “preliminary emergency measures”, but still no green. So in he whistled on his belly. The landing wasn’t bad, but not half as good as the one he could have made with his wheels down had he used the emergency undercarriage system.

THIS ONE (No. 1 NAG) was lumbering along in his Swordfish when he spotted another Swordfish. He decided a bit of formation might be in order. The fact that the pilot in the other machine didn’t know anything about it would add to the sport. So up he pounded.

He overshot.

He also struck the other plane with his tail. 

“BAD AND CARELESS FLYING”, said the report.

Quite.

THIS ONE (No. 35 EFTS) was really hot stuff. With 1,000 hours, he didn’t need as much take-off run for his Tigerschmitt as others normally did. SO-O-O-, even though there was no wind, he allowed himself only 200 yards.

YES, HE HIT THE FENCE.

THESE TWO (both instructors at No. 13 EFTS) were enlivening an otherwise dull afternoon with a spot of low flying up a river. They didn’t get burned when they hit the high tension wires, but were in for a real scorching when they arrived back at the airport. The accident was ascribed to

1. Low flying.

2. Disobedience – “TEMPORARY LOSS OF COMMON SENSE”.

 

 

GET THE HELL OFF THERE!

THIS ONE (No. 9 B and G) is no more. He decided to visit his home village by air. To make sure everyone saw him, he went down low, and circled the place. Hundreds of people looked up and waved. He probably waved too. On the third round he hit some telephone wires, then a house, then piled into a wharf.

HE DIED.

It was his first solo flight on the type.

THIS ONE (a student at No. 34 EFTS) is probably wondering if it’s really worthwhile. He got lost in bad weather and with loss of much sweat and perhaps some hair set his Moth down in a big field – – unharmed. His instructor came to fly it out. He wrecked it shooting up the field.

HE ALSO KILLED HIMSELF.

THIS ONE (another young innocent – – No. 23 EFTS) also got lost in poor weather. He did a quite good precautionary, breaking only his prop. The chief instructor, a flight lieutenant, flew the Cornell back to the airport. He wiped out the undercarriage and propeller on the signal area. We admit the visibility wasn’t the best.

THESE TWO (No. 7 EFTS) were taking off out of a field. They failed to notice a single wire in their path. This slowed the aircraft down. The boys finished up on their back. A five-foot fence was credited with the assist.

Both pilots got an endorsement.

BETTER GIVE THEM CORRECTIVE GOGGLES, TOO.

 

 

THIS ONE (a flight looie with 1200 hours  – – at No. 1 OTU) led a formation of two Hurricanes on an exercise over the Lake St.John area. They flew merrily about for a while, then changed over, flew about for another 20 minutes, changed over again. They had been going around in circles so long, they didn’t know where they were, despite the fact it was the only large lake in the area, and familiar to both. So they separated. No. 2 man flew east and landed safely.

The flight looie flew round and round until his fuel ran out. Then he landed, wheels up, in a field. 

HE WAS ONE MILE FROM THE AIR-FIRING RANGE.

O MA BABBY

McGurk takes great pride in awarding No. 3 B and G the wooden medal for the “suggestion of the month”.

Two pupils wandered into a Battle prop. One was killed, one hurt.

They had failed to look around when walking across the taxi strip, even though looking about is almost effortless and definitely worthwhile.

 

A flight lieutenant, for OC flying, recommended, as means of…

 

…avoiding future similar accidents : –

PROVIDING ESCORT TO TAKE PUPILS TO AND FROM AIRCRAFT.

Perhaps nurses to feed them would be helpful, too.

SUMMA CUM LAUDE 

It isn’t often that McGurk, Pontifex Maximus of Flight, finds himself without words.

“FOR DISTINGUISHED STUPIDITY”

Not that he is “windy”, as the vulgar would say. But he is generally able to come through with the proper though perhaps caustic comment for a particularly flagrant performance.

However, in the following shocking case, he feels that the words of the station itself (No. 9 EFTS) are ample.

He contents himself with announcing that the instructor involved is awarded

The Boot

The report reads :

The instructor (with 1100 hours–ed.) was giving dual on forced and precautionary landings.

“After a practice approach WHEN HE ALLOWED THE AIRCRAFT TO COME WITHIN 20 FEET OF THE GROUND, the instructor levelled off and opened the throttle to gain speed. AT THIS POINT HE ceased giving instruction on forced landings and STARTED TO PREPARE THE STUDENT FOR INSTRUMENT FLYING BY TELLING HIM TO GET UNDER THE HOOD.

“The instructor was then taking over control.

“By this time the aircraft had flown across the forced landing field and was nearing the windward side where there are trees approximately 30 feet high. Noticing he was close to them, he pulled up (really quick thinking – McGurk) and opened the throttle fully.

The engine coughed, and apparently lost power momentarily due…

 

 

… to the rapid opening of the throttle. By this time the airspeed was close to the stall and the left wing dropped. Noticing this (remarkable perception McGurk), the instructor attempted to right the aircraft. At this point the throttle was fully opened and the engine had started to pick up.

“BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.

 

“The aeroplane slipped inward, turned to the left, struck some trees, then some hydro wires and

“CARTWHEELED INTO A NEARBY FIELD.”

Reading it, McGurk, who admite his own flying is faultless, just shook his head.

When his Oxford started to shake and lose height, our instructor (No. 32 SETS) figured it high time to get down.

He did – crashing on landing.

Technical examination showed no reason for the shuddering. Other pilots experienced the shakes, too, attributing it to “weather inversion caused by rapidly rising temperature.”

So investigators reported:

“…….THE VIBRATION WAS CAUSED BY AN INVERSION and the pilot jumped to the conclusion there was something radically wrong with the aircraft. He forced-landed immediately without a careful and Intelligent inspection as to the cause of vibration”.

Cloudy Joe, in his lofty eyrie in Penquin Palace, is upset no end. He says: “an inversion means peace and serenity,not turbulence”.

 

 

CR-A-A-SH!

It may be the pupils.

Perhaps it’s the instructors. it might even be pixies.

But whatever it is, the boys at no. 11 EFTS recently seemed to be finding it a bit difficult to make a good landing.

In five days the poor old Finch took an awful beating. Aircraft ended up in nearly every conceivable position.

There were only so many things that can be done incorrectly while landing. 

They were all nearly done.

Read these :-

Student on his first solo on wheels landed in 150 degree crosswind (their own words) with slight drift. The aircraft swung to the right and the left wing went down. He applied corrective measures too late. The left wing dug into the ground.

THE AIRCRAFT NOSED OVER.

Student landed too far up on the field. tried to change direction at high speed.

THE AIRCRAFT GROUNDLOOPED.

Student failed to correct swing after a crosswind landing. THE AIRCRAFT groundlooped violently and went up on its back.

During the landing run the student evidently touched his brakes

THE AIRCRAFT NOSED UP.

 

 

While landing, the student’s right wing dropped. In the attempt to recover he overcontrolled, causing the aircraft to FLIP ON ITS BACK.

The student evidently landed with his feet on the brakes. There was a 60 degree crosswind at the time. The left wing dropped. In attempting to correct, brakes were applied.

THE AIRCRAFT NOSED UP.

The student overcontrolled on his second solo, and GROUNDLOOPED.

The student bounced, stalled, and did not use corrective measures.

THE AIRCRAFT OVERTURNED.

The pupil swerved on his landing run, applied rudder in the direction of the turn.

THE AIRCRAFT NOSED UP.

And you’ll like this last one :

“When practising a precautionary landing at the airport, the student came in high (10 feet) and closed his throttle immediately after going over the boundary fence.

“The instructor attempted to ease the aircraft down with throttle, but the engine wouldn’t respond. The aircraft hit hard, and fractured the right oleo leg.”

“THE ACCIDENT,” said the school “WAS DUE TO THE CONDITION OF THE AERODROME A VERY ROUGH SURFACE”.

My My!

Frankly, we think a 10-foot.

 

 

 

QUICK MOTHER, THE ICE-PAK!

My, my, life is embarrassing at times!

Look at this :

During a night take-off the Anson (No. 7 B and G) swung violently to the right, the undercart crunching like an eggshell.

But that wasn’t all.

THE AIRCRAFT SQUATTED ON A LIGHTED FLAREPOT.

IT WENT UP IN SMOKE.

By the light of the flaming plane (it was just about 1 a.m.) the pilot explained that seizure of the starboard brake caused the swing.

And just read this :

A staff pilot and four others (No. 4 AOS) were on a night cross country. It was snowing quite hard and the pilot was letting down to get a definite pinpoint.

His navigator told him to go easy, as the land was a bit higher at this point.

The pilot levelled out.

But it was too late.

As he turned to the left, the wing tip hit something and everything went black.

When daylight came, investigators nearly fainted when they saw where the plane had gone.

 

 

It had : JUST CLEARED SOME TREES

FLOWN UNDER TELEPHONE WIRES

CLIPPED FENCE POSTS WITH THE PORT WING TIP.

The pilot admitted :

“I was concentrating so hard on the direction gyro, artificial horizon and airspeed indicator

I DID NOT LOOK AT MY ALTIMETER AFTER I HAD COME DOWN BELOW 2000 FEET.”

And this is good, too :

Our instructors were on the BA course at No. 1 IFS. They were so senior, and so good (1400 hrs.) they could fly without thinking.

That’s just what they were doing.

They were on the final approach, and at 250 feet when the port engine out.

THE LAD UNDER THE HOOD DID NOTHING.

THE LAD OUT OF IT, DITTO.

The Oxford took matters into its own hands.

EVERYBODY WOUND UP IN THE BAY OF QUINTE.

Said the “pilots”:

“We were so intent on the beam procedure WE FAILED TO SWITCH ON THE AUXILIARY PETROL TANKS.”

Frightful, isn’t it!

 

---

Clarense Simonsen is also sharing this January 1944 issue of Mentioned in Despatched.

 

DONKEY SERENADE

Our subject for today is donkeys.

Not the kind with the big long ears, but the kind that need only those ears to make the resemblance complete.

These are the flying donkeys.

The antics they pull in the air are described as “asinine.” Any dictionary will tell you that asinine means “pertaining to asses,” or “belonging to, or resembling the ass.”

Frankly, we hardly think it fair to put the harmless and very useful long-eared donkey in the same class as the short-eared flying donkey.

WE’VE KNOWN QUITE A FEW OF THE USEFUL KIND IN OUR DAY AND ANY ONE OF THEM HAD A HIGHER I.Q. THAN THE SPECIES WHICH WHIRLS ABOUT IN THE BLUE.

No self-respecting long-eared donkey would think of doing the things that the short-eared type pull off in their flying machines high in the air or very close to the ground.

There are all kinds of flying donkeys.

There is the show-off type, such as this one which flew Harvards at No. 13 S.F.T.S.

Now most donkeys are very hard to get going, and they aren’t steeplechase material at the best. Manoeuvreable would hardly be the word to describe them. But this donkey wanted to show the world how fast he was; how he could run rings around a speed artist like a train.

So, WITH A LOUD BRAY, HE DID.

 

He shot this way and that way, and over and alongside – all at 200 feet.

Then he did three slow rolls.

HE WAS ALSO COURT MARTIALED.

Most donkeys are the dare-devil I-don’t-give-a-damn-for-rules and-regulations type. Frequently they are paranoiacs, with an emphasis on the delusions of persecution. They think everybody is just out to spoil their fun.

DEATH never deters them.

If some donkey smears himself doing something which the book of rules warns is bad medicine, the other donkeys never concede that there must be something in that regulation after all.

NO SIREE.

They conclude that their late friend, Joe Donkey, forgot to look at his airspeed, or did something equally stupid, and they would never be as careless as that.

CERTAINLY NOT.

This donkey (late of No. 31 B. and G.) thought regulations against aero batting twin-engine aircraft a lot of twaddle.

SO HE TRIED TO LOOP AN ANSON.

He’ll never do it again.

But even before the body was cold, so to speak, another donkey, (No. 9 S.F.T.S.) was doing the same thing. This donkey (who survived to be the main feature of a court-martial) was an even bigger donkey from another standpoint.

He was due to graduate in a week – AS TOP MAN.

HE LEFT AT THE BOTTOM.

And, of course no list of aerobatic donkeys would be complete without that at No. 8 B.

 

This desire to be close to the ground has, of course, killed a lot of donkeys.

BUT THE SURVIVORS REASON THAT THEY’D HAVE DIED AT HEIGHT ANYWAY, AND BESIDES, THEY WERE PROBABLY A BIT CARELESS.

This donkey (No. 19 S.F.T.S.) was on a low-level cross-country flight, and his student got somewhat off track.

While the student pin-pointed, our donkey friend decided to take in a baseball game. He couldn’t read the names on the program sheet, and he just had to know who was playing, so he went a little lower,

HE WAS SO LOW THEY THOUGHT HE WAS PLAYING CENTRE-FIELD.

Other fielders had to flop to the ground.

Another low-flying member (No. 32 E.F.T.S.) of the donkey fraternity sighted a car belonging to friends roaring along the highway. He thought he’d say how-do-you-do.

Since theirs was a very close friendship, the greeting had to be warm. He whacked the top of the car.

And in the midst of all these salutations, a telephone wire reared its ugly head. The donkey couldn’t get over, so he tried to go under.

HE MISSED.

HE LANDED.

HE ALSO LEFT THE SERVICE.

This donkey (No. 118 Squadron, Sea Island, B.C.) was ordered up to 25,000 feet to do an oxygen test.

HE HIT A BOAT.

 

It seems that after he’d been up that high, he decided to come down a bit to improve his sight before landing. As his sight got better, he spotted a fishing vessel and noticed it had no identification. And as his sight sharpened he noticed. “an unusual number of men on deck.”

SO HE WENT LOWER.

THEN HE CLIPPED THE BOAT.

The next donkey of whom we are going to speak was a senior member of the tribe. He was an instructor at No. 1 F.I.S. and is now, so far as the R.C.A.F. is concerned, a member of the great unemployed.

He took off in a Harvard at 9 p.m. and the donkey in him took control.

HE DOVE DOWN ALONG THE TARMAC AT 25-50 FEET, THEN DID AN UPWARD ROLL. DOING A DONKEY-QUICK TURN, HE ROARED BACK AT 200 FEET AND DID A SLOW ROLL. THEN HE MADE ANOTHER PASS AT THE AIRPORT AND LANDED.

And out he went.

This donkey (No. 13 E.F.T.S.) has a passion for livestock. He loves farms and everything connected thereto.

Apparently that’s why he descended to 25-50 feet over a farm recently, though at the court-martial he said no. He stated that while pounding along at 2000 feet, minding his own business, he saw some people on the ground. One of them was holding something white, and waving.

“Think that SOMEONE MIGHT BE IN DISTRESS,” and he might get an A.F.C. out of it,

 

His friends, the livestock, scattered,

After shooting hither and thither for a few moments, just nicely off the ground, he decided that it was just a false alarm, and that the people were just waving at him.

THE COURT-MARTIAL WAS NO FALSE ALARM.

Another lover of farm life was this donkey (No. 3 S.F.T.S.). Instead of doing a bombing exercise, as ordered, he did a few steep turns then hurried down to the donkey tribe’s natural level –

JUST OFF THE GROUND

Livestock and people went in all directions.

He said he wanted to be a fighter pilot.

There’s a good chance he won’t fly at all.

Being a family man, himself, this donkey (No. 16 S.F.T.S.) thought he’d like to visit his home in view of the fact this was his last trip ere graduation. His home was Toronto, and of course he had to go down low enough to get the house number or otherwise he might bother the other residents by mistake.

SO DOWN HE WENT.

Four times he roared low over the general area, undoubtedly having difficulty in getting the number as there was a tree or garbage pail or something in the way.

Kids were screaming to high heaven.

EVERYBODY ELSE BUT THE DONKEY WAS CONVINCED HE WAS ABOUT TO CRASH.

 

He didn’t.

BUT IT WAS HIS LAST FLIGHT.

An instructor donkey (No. 4 S.F.T.S.) was down on a low-level cross-country flight when a school house came into his sights, so to speak. The school house brought back old memories to him, so he thought he’d give the youngsters a slight relief from the general tedium.

THE WINDOWS SHOOK AS HE POUNDED OVER, AND ONE OF THE YOUNGSTERS SCREAMED THAT THE PLANE WAS CHASING HER.

The donkey said he noticed the kids waving and being a hero worshipper himself, he gave them a few sharp short turns. And, he admits, THEY LOVED IT.

MEMBERS OF THE COURT-MARTIAL DIDN’T.

Now we want to tell you about a very rare type of donkey. This donkey (No. 8 A.O.S.) was not a pilot, but an observer. However, flying looked pretty simple to him, so he climbed into an Anson, and away he went. This, of course, very, very solo.

2 hours.

He was up for

He got quite a reception on landing, and many plans had already been made for recognition of the flight.

They included the court-martial.

 

BASICALLY, WE ARE ALL POTENTIAL DONKEYS, BUT THE GOOD MAN DOESN’T LET THE DONKEY IN HIM TAKE CONTROL. IF YOUR EARS BEGIN TO TWITCH, PINCH THEM AND SHOUT”GET THEE BEHIND ME, SATAN.” IF YOUR EARS

A pilot (No. 5 B & G), asked by a visiting flight to fly a certain compass course, couldn’t set the required course on the verge ring. Asked how he flew a course, our pilot replied: “Oh. I always have a pupil bomb timer set it for DI”. And he’d been flying on exercises for eight months, too.

 

 

THIS CHAP REALLY GOT THE JACKPOT.

An instructor (No. 17 S.F.T.S.), he landed his Anson, to discover that he had no brakes. However, he decided that he would be a “hot pilot”, rather than a smart pilot –

He’d taxi without brakes.

After all, when you’re the confident, determined type, like our hero, brakes are just something else to wear out.

Going straight down the taxi strip was simple. But then he started turning corners, and weaving between other aircraft, etc., etc., etc.

AND THAT’S WHEN THE TROUBLE STARTED.

He was picking his way through two rows of parked aircraft when, to his dismay, he noticed that “a collision was imminent”, which means, in the language of the street, that he was about to smear another aircraft. He banged open the port throttle.

And his wingtip CLIPPED THE RUDDER OF A PARKED PLANE.

On he careened, SMASHING THE RUDDER OF A SECOND MACHINE.

Then he groundlooped.

And HIT A THIRD AIRCRAFT.

HIS SCORE- FOUR AIRCRAFT AND THE BOOT!

MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DIDN’T SEND IN A CONTRIBUTION!

 

 

IDIOTS DELIGHT

MY, HOW SOME OF THESE CHARACTERS DO CARRY ON !

This Flight Lieutenant (No. 12 S.F.T.S.) with over 1000 hours. thought he’d save a little time on take-off and get his under cart up a bit ahead of time.

Besides, it’d

reduce his drag, and get him up faster.

INSTEAD HE WENT DOWN

on his belly !

Said his station : “It is impossible to instil common sense in a pilot of such experience. With an ordinary amount of common sense this accident would never have occurred.

QUITE !

Our pupil (No. 41 S.F.T.S.) was doing steep turns, and after getting himself thoroughly tied up in circles, he came out to learn that he didn’t know where he was. He hunted here, and scurried there, and finally, since his gas was running low, he landed in a field – WHEELS DOWN- NOSE DOWN.

He DID NOT carry maps.

This instructor (late of No. 31 E.F.T.S.) spun in and died. So did his pupil.

THEIR LAST MANOEUVRE, IN A CORNELL, WAS A STEEP TURN, AT LOW ALTITUDE, WITH FULL FLAP!

This student (No. 10 E.F.T.S.) was doing circuits and bumps (with an emphasis on the bumps) in a Moth. On one circuit, he dropped his wailing aircraft in from a great height, but figured that since it would still run there couldn’t possibly be anything wrong.

 

 

His next landing was a beaut.

BUT THE UNDERCARRIAGE CAVED IN.

A staff pilot (No.33 A.N.S.) landed downwind, overshot and whacked a fence. As he cringed from the wreckage, he admitted he’d seen the landing T “but made a little mistake.”

AND WITH 700 HOURS, TOO.

Another instructor (No. 33 S.F.T.S.) was demonstrating single engine landings. He removed the horn fuse so he could hear himself think. He obviously didn’t hear a peep; that is, not until he saw his props gradually whittle themselves down to hub size along the tortured runway. The silence must have lulled him into a false sense of security, for

HE COMPLETELY IGNORED HIS UNDERCARRIAGE.

Generally one demonstrates stalling at 1000 feet ONLY ONCE.

This pilot (No. 2 W.S.) found that out.

HE’S DEAD NOW.

This pupil (No. 13 E.F.T.S.) got permission to take off, and was so happy about the whole thing he didn’t care where he did it.

WITHOUT EVEN A TEENY-WEENY PEEK AHEAD, HE BANGED THE THROTTLE WIDE OPEN.

The roar of the engine was exceeded only by the roar as he tore into the taxi post.

REMEMBER Willie (NOV. ISSUE)? – HE DID NOT BURN.

 

 

Another pupil (No. 6 E.F.T.S.) was doing medium turns, and on recovering from one (his last), his port wing dropped and his Tigerschmitt started slipping toward earth.

This was all very strange.

No matter what our student tried, the aircraft apparently just didn’t want to come out, and thinking that the whole world was about to fall apart, OUR STUDENT BAILED OUT.

THE AIRCRAFT THEREUPON STRAIGHTENED OUT ALL BY ITSELF AND DIVED STRAIGHT INTO THE GROUND.

This instructor (late of No. 10 E.F.T.S.) apparently wanted to see where a certain river ran to. So that he wouldn’t miss anything he went right down over the water.

HE DIDN’T MISS A THING NOT EVEN THE CABLE STRETCHED ACROSS THE RIVER.

He died.

So did his pupil.

Yet another instructor (No. 7 S.F.T.S.) saw smoke issuing from his port engine, and presumed it was on fire. So he promptly shut down that engine, and headed back for the airport. So far so good.

BUT THEN HE SLIPPED.

He was so excited he forgot that sequence popularly described as a downwind check.

YEP, ON HIS ABDOMEN !

 

FLYING BLIND

We’d like to tell you about a staff pilot (No. 1 C.N.S.) who had poor eyesight.

He’s dead now.

So are EIGHT other people.

This pilot was given glasses to wear because his eyesight wasn’t good enough without them.

But he never wore them.

He didn’t like them.

AND SO, THE OTHER NIGHT, THE ANSON HE WAS PILOTING, AND ANOTHER, COLLIDED IN MID-AIR AND CRASHED IN FLAMES. AND, AS WE SAID, NINE PEOPLE DIED.

We’re not blaming him entirely.

IN FACT, PERHAPS THE GREATEST BLAME SHOULD REST ON THE OTHER PILOT. HE CAME IN TO LAND WITHOUT GETTING PERMISSION TO DO SO.

However, it is reasonable to presume that had the other pilot worn his glasses he would have seen the other plane, and there’d have been no collision.

“Without the glasses,” said the Medical Officer, “his vision would not have been good enough for night flying.”

Glasses are not given to fill up your pockets.

They’re provided to wear.

WEAR THEM!